I'm still here!

Yes, I still exist.....I've just been taking a break from it all for a week.  With recovery, Christmas, and life things have been both wonderful and not-so-wonderful, but I am taking it all day by day.  I have a few other posts written, but I am not sure about what I will ultimately share and not share.  I had some dark, dark days after the surgery, and wrote some things that reflect those feelings.  Some of it even I can't re-read, because it takes place in a such depth of despair that I'm not comfortable revisiting just yet.  So we'll see.

Physical, my recovery is going very well.  I got a very encouraging...visit from good old Aunt Flo this past weekend, which means my body is cycling back to normal again.  This is a good sign for trying again in a few months.  My scar is healing perfectly, not that anyone but Kurt will ever see it, but it's nice to know that the visible reminder will be minimal.  I just have to go back one more time next week for a post-op and then I will be free to return to my regularly scheduled life.

Mentally, I am getting there.  More good days than bad now.  Sometimes I worry that I am grieving too much, and sometimes I worry that I am not grieving enough.  Something in my soul tells me that it is okay to move on now, to laugh again, to start thinking of the next baby--one that will hopefully be healthy and happy.  Christmas is my last major hurdle, because Kurt and I were planning on sharing the baby news with his family then.  I even had a shirt to wear on Christmas Day that said "Tis the Season to be Pregnant."  Thankfully, that is one of the many items Kurt cleared out before I came home.

All in all, life is moving on and I am going with it.  I am cashing in all my prayers, goodwills, and karmic positives in 2011 in hopes that we end next year with the birth of our first child.  Hopefully.